All 20.4 - Mistake or Surprise
"Lucca, could you come here for a minute?" Victor called as he stuck his head out from inside the ownerless captain's room. Lucca turned, as he has been walking down the hallway path, and went back to join Victor inside the small living space. "What's up?" Victor motioned for him to go in, and he lightly closed the door behind him. Looking at Lucca with a face of gentle concern, he asked, "...Could you tell me what's bothering you?" "Wh-What?" The druid blinked, a look of startled dismay flitting across his face. Regaining his composure, he said softly, "...I already told you. And it's over now, I'm fine." He gave a faint, tight smile, "You worry too much, old man." He looked none too convinced at this response. "...No...part of it may be...but there is still something plaguing you. You're not one to dwell on things heavily after they've been discussed, but in this case, there's something still on your mind." He made a small smile, "And yes, I worry, but I have yet to find it to be too much." Lucca shook his head, "It's nothing, dude, I'm fine. Seriously, you don't need to waste your time." The concern on his face deepened as he replied, "I wouldn't ever consider conversing with you a waste of time, but regardless. There is still something troubling you, and it has been for days now. I don't want to cause you hurt, but, trying to hide something that bothers you will only lead it to fester, and you already know my thoughts on ignoring issues. Considering our task and what we'll have to face in the near future, it is a poor time to leave fears or concerns unaddressed." Taking a deep breath, he looked away, letting it out slowly, an ache starting to creep into his expression. "Victor...don't..." he pursed his lips, his tone almost pleading "It's nothing that'll get in the way...nothing that'll affect anything we're doing. Honest. It just needs to be forgot about and put back away, where it belongs. It's not even relevant, I promise. It's nothing." "If it's something that bothers you, it's not nothing, no matter how well you hide it from yourself. Please. I think speaking about troubles has helped in the past, has it not? Because whatever it is, it will always bother at least some part of you, if left, and it just waits to be drawn back out again." After a long silence, he closed his eyes and replied weakly, "...There is no way it can be helped, or fixed...acknowledging it just makes it hurt...and there's really nothing for it...so it's better just to leave it...it's fine, I'm fine." He rubbed absently at his chest as he spoke, looking pained. "...No, you're not." Victor took a few steps forwards to close the gap between the two of them. "Whatever this is, it hurts you. Ignored pain will just continue to hurt you, if you don't acknowledge it and try to make it better, no matter how well you deaden your feelings. Isn't that what you were telling me the other day? I don't want you to quietly suffer under something." He held out his hand, under Lucca's downturned gaze. "Please, let me try and help? At least, let me carry some of its weight." "It's gonna hurt anyway...it's always gonna..." he murmered sadly. He glanced from Victor's hand to his face, questioningly, continuing, "...I've handled it alright for, like, ever...pretty much gotten over it, honestly...you really, really don't need to waste your energy...I've got this. Harlequin just nailed me in a sore spot the other day. All it needs is more time, it'll pass. It'll pass." He took his hand and gently tilted Lucca's chin up to look at his face. "Please, Lucca?" At his touch, the younger man flinched hard. Squeezing his eyes shut he gritted his teeth, and was silent for a long time before whispering hoarsely, "Misplaced fey-monsters...shouldn't...p-propogate...no matter-" With a soft, pained noise he suddenly pulled back and spun away, covering his face with one hand, the other pressed to his chest. "...f-fuck..." Victor looked at him in confusion for a second, the sudden reveal of this catching him off-guard, then, stepping forward, he put his hands on Lucca's shoulders. "You are wrong," he said, gently but without uncertainty. "No!" He snapped, throwing up his hands, "No, I am not! It is a fact, it is how it is, and how it should be and it-" he stopped and took a deep, shaky breath, "is stupid of me to even be thinking of, at all, ever. See? I told you it was nothing. And I really shouldn't have said anything at all. Forget it." He stepped away, shrugging the other man's hands off and wrapping his arms around himself. "It is not nothing," Victor replied as he folded his hands behind him. "It is a terrible, haunting thought, and I know it full well. If fey from Materia's sister realm shouldn't reproduce on Materia, then devils, from farther abroad than that, should certainly, utterly, never propogate. I would never have entertained the notion of siring children." He tilted his head, "And yet...we have Virgil, do we not? He is mortal. He is of Materia, not Hell. And still, he is undoubtedly propogated from me. True, it was magical and not through natural means, but he was still born mine. How would it be different for you, if you ever wanted a child? Before you argue impossibility, I state that you are an acendant, a lawful, Materian ascendant at that, and there is little you can't do, empowered by the most absolute forces of nature and mortality. And before you argue that it isn't the same, that you couldn't have a child...properly, I posit: does your shifting not make you human, or whatever species you prefer? We've considered it before, that it doesn't merely make you look like something, but be ''something, as permanently as you wish. Wouldn't a child you father then be of that nature? A Materian nature?" "No, no! It doesn't matter! It doesn't make it right! I'm a mistake, and sure, that's fine and all, it happens. I accept this...but you don't encourage things like that to proliferate! When they're done they should leave no trace! It wouldn't matter if I was shifted or not, I am what I am! If it was something that was meant for me, I would have been made to have it! Which is another point: I'm not! I. am. not!" pacing as he spoke, he seemed to be talking more to himself than the other man. With a small noise, somewhere between a sigh and a growl he added. "And Virgil isnt even remotely the same thing ''at all. At all. He was a suprise, not a mistake; it's worlds apart. So don't even." He suddenly came to a stop, twining a lock of hair absently in his fingers and tugging at it as he said almost angrily, "And it doesn't even matter! It shouldn't bother me at all! I...I have you and Virgil and that's all I want!...I don't need anything else!" He looked momentarily shocked at his own words, his wide eyes darting to the other man's face and the colour draining from his own. With a small noise he spun away once more. Victor smiled and stepped forward again, "The only difference between a surprise and a mistake is how you look at it. If you told me I was going to have a son, I would have told you it was a mistake; if you asked your grandmother what it was when her young grandson regained his health, she would have said it was a surprise. Possibly even a miracle. Surprises are good mistakes, and mistakes are the only way change happens, the only way things become stronger, and the only way nature moves forward. It's how Materia thrives. Good or bad, mistakes are just as much a part of the world as plans, and deserve no less right to exist. You are saving the world from a terrible fate, your work to help mankind and nature live harmoniously has been recognized by the gods themselves, and if nothing else, you have saved one particular man from a horrible fate again and again. Your birth was a surprise, not a mistake, just like Virgil, and your fate is no different than any other mortal: to survive and live and do whatever you can with the life you have. And you have done great things for the world, so much more than so many people born in unsurprising ways. If you want a child, you have every right, and you would raise them with your ideals and they would make the world better as well. Materia needs surprises, needs change, and would never begrudge something as beneficial as you, or any child you might raise." He put his hand on Lucca once more, "You have Virgil and I, and you always will. If you want something more in the future, there is nothing, nothing, wrong with that, from any perspective. If not, then that is fine too, because we'll be here either way. A bunch of surprises, or so I'd like to think." Lucca turned and stared up at him searchingly for a very long time, looking uncertain. Eventually he closed his eyes, hanging his head momentarily, a soft, incredulous chuckle escaping him, "...the shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes, old man...I don't even..." he shook his head slightly and glanced up once more, the ghost of a smile playing about his lips, "...I dunno what to do with you..." Although he still looked a bit sad, and perhaps not entirely convinced, it was clear that Victor's words had soothed the younger man to no small degree. Still smiling, he hugged Lucca. "Well, regardless of what is to be done about me and my mouth, I hope my prying helped." The druid stiffened slightly at first, but after a moment leaned into and returned the guesture with a sigh, "I suppose it did a bit...still didn't need to waste your time on it though, I told ya it was nonsense..." "It's neither nonsense, nor a waste of time," he said as he let go and stood up straight. "And even if it was, I would think it was a worthy enough waste." He rolled his eyes slightly, "It's not like my time is at a premium, particularly on the ship." Lucca snorted, unconvinced but not about to argue, then suddenly brightened, "Great! That means you'll be up for joining whatever game Virgil's got cooked up this time...I think charades? Or maybe the one that's like it but you draw pictures? I dunno, either way, they're gonna be wondering where I got to; I said I'd be right there." He flashed a brief, mischevious smile, "I'll sacrifice you to them as my peace offering." Victor returned the smile, "Surely there's a problem when the parent is sacrificed not for, but to the child." He turned to leave, gesturing for Lucca to lead, "But somehow I doubt the offering will allow you to avoid the capital punishment for making Virgil wait." Category:Advent of the All